Monday, December 5, 2016

A thought

I had a few thoughts today. I thought to share them. Questions of why, questions of how, questions of me? All in all they equated to one thought towards the evening. In my typical thinking time, known as my after work shower. My thoughts rested on the idea of discipline. What is discipline, and how do we learn it in old age.
Discipline is doing the things that you say to yourself you are going to do. At least that is my understanding, and it will be the one in which I use for the duration of this thought. This thought of why do I consistently ignore what I should, and want to do in favor of what I shouldn't and don't want to do? Why do I irrestrainably interact with my environment. I often, it occurs to me, leave my desired course of action for one lesser. Why do I do this? What is the root cause of my issues? Such a simple idea of doing what you want to do, yet such a difficult thing.
I have ambitions, I have dreams, I have desires, hopes, wants, wishes, goals, destinations, potential. Yet I lack.
Such a dirty word in reality. It speaks of something that has yet to exist, but could possibly. It is the naughtiest word one could ever tell their child. Child you have potential. Read as; You are destined for great things, therefore if you work the same as everyone else you will achieve them. In the mind of a child, everyone is an equal, and when a child is given potential, now they are suddenly going to be better? Excuse my run on sentences. Potential speaks to a part of the brain that for me at least leaves me lacking. I would have benefited more for being praised for hard work. For being praised on my actions, and not my innate abilities.
You are tall, therefore you should play basketball. Unfortunately this kid was always taller than everyone else and never had to work to be good at basketball, and subsequently never worked at it. College tryouts, and open gyms came. He was shorter than everyone else on the field, he was getting trampled, his shot percentages were horrid, and the other tall basketball players kept stuffing him. He still had potential, but he had wasted the time he could've used gaining that potential, by simply utilizing its precursory benefits.
I hope that this makes sense, have a good one.

Thursday, December 1, 2016


Slowly the world wanders
wondering whether or not we really are here
whether we exist
whether they exist

We all ignore our realities
we all ask the simple questions
we all concede the "obvious"

But is it really obvious?

Those who ponder
see the world in a new light
searching seeking
listening learning
braving believing
creating confounding

ponder we the learners begin to know
we seek and we are given the gift of light
we ask
and we learn
we speak
and we observe

The world wasn't meant for people to be passive
The world wasn't meant for everyone to ignore them
Animals are passive and ignorant

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

daily thought

Walking the street
eyes on my feet
nowhere to go
nowhere to see

Thinking of life
oh what a rife
what is this show
my internal strife

casting my eyes
thrown like the die
straight like the crow
silent I cry

often I feel like
there's nowhere
No place
for me to be

but I just keep on moving
keep on dreaming
and someday I will be

Sunday, February 21, 2016


So I was talking with a friend over facebook messenger just yesterday. Somehow I brought up my blog, which clearly I don't post on very much. She said I was a good writer. Somehow the conversation turned into how I enjoy writing poetry occasionally.

Then she had a strange request for me that I have never had before, granted I rarely tell people that I have a blog or that I like poetry. She asked me to write a poem right then and there. I said about what and she asked me to write one about anything, so I wrote a quick one about my drive to school:

Each morning I wake up 
arise and see 
walk out 
get out 
wait around 
light turns green 
take it down 
turn it around 


finish the song 
turn it 
open it 
put it in turn it again 
and leave 

Not exactly refined, but not lacking either. Simplistic in its view, and sharp in its scale. She asked me to describe how I perceived her laugh over the internet, to describe it. As I had just made a joke. 

 That laugh? 
the radiant smile 
the head
ever so slightly 
lifted towards the sky 
with joy ringing 
and vocal chords beating 
to the thought of a new thought 

A simple phrase, a small picture. She has this way of laughing that causes your soul to be drawn to her. She beckons you to follow her through this emotional journey to bliss. I shared with her an old poem on love that I had written several years ago (which can be found in the archives). I said how old it was and how it needed to be updated. She asked me to write it how I would write it now. So I did:


love is 
love is what we are 
the way we move 
the way we feel 
think and breathe 
it tortures us 
it breaks us 
it eats us 
it devourers us 
it consumes us 
it strangles us 
it knows us 
it kills us 
it controls us 
it binds us 
it stops us 
it throttles us 
love heals us 
love helps us 
love cures us 
love bends us 
love shapes us 
love grows us 
love is 
love is what we are 
love is 


With a little updating from the original, it became what is a simple yet powerful poem. It creates a feeling, a ride. It moves us with it. The topic moved from this lovely oratory on love to how I feel I live in my head. How I don't think that my reality is the same as everyone else's:

it’s fine to live in your head
until it is debilitating
and you find yourself dreaming of things that are impossible
you can not exist in the realms you have created
you do not want to come to reality
for it stands no chance against what you have made
it can not even exist in the same plane
in can not be in the same existence
because they are that different
this picture perfect
slightly wordy
version of reality
that leaves you wondering
if it’s really worth it.
and you can't
you just can’t decide
if you really want to come out
or if you simply want to hide
screaming out to hear your own voice
just to know that you are still you
and that you are still here
and you find
that no matter what
it doesn’t matter how long you live in there
it just doesn’t matter
because no matter what
you have to leave.
you have to begin to believe
in this world of reality and see
that the world is coming
it is coming at a speed so fast
that you can hardly believe
that it is there
that it is true
but you must see it
for if you do not you will be trapped
you will begin to whither away
to fall and tumble
becoming torn
losing hope
losing joy
you must leave
if you are to survive
you must leave
if you want to be alive
you must dream
if you wish to see the skies
your dreams are what you want them to be
your reality is what you want it to be
the only difference between the two
is what you do.

A sudden darker turn from where we had begun. I felt my dreams falling out of hands as I typed these thoughts that I had thought. My words began to tell a side of me that I wasn't even sure I was aware of. She asked me what my dreams were:

I dream of the places I want to go
the people I want to help
the lives I want to grow
the family I want to meet
the future in my field
the job I will hold dear
the times I choose to hold
and the fears I choose to leave

Not much to wave anything at, but it is a place to start. Dreams are only dreams as long as you allow them to be. She shared her thoughts:

Dreams are what has made the world a better place. Ideas come from them.
Families come from them.
Friends come from them.
Ultimately happiness comes from them.
But having a dream and making it happen is bliss.
Pure joy.